"i've been here before, but only in my dreams"

This piece marks a halfway point for my 23rd year. My most self-destructive year. My most transformative year. A year filled with love yet so much self-loathing. "I know the end" is exactly that; a realization. A visualization of my [redacted] note. I've found it hard to get up every morning... to find the strength needed to keep going. I think it's hard for me to verbalize what I feel most of the time to people that I love because I find myself being stuck being their hero. So much so that I've lost a lot of myself. "I'm hurt... I'm hurting. I don't want to be here anymore." Thoughts that have plagued me throughout every single breath taken. I don't know if I'm going to be okay but I know that I want to be. I'm scared, not knowing which version of freedom I'll find months from now. I have no current semblance of hope, but maybe I will find something to cling to. I know the end but I don't want to be there yet. I want to be my own superhero for once... my own light again. I deserve that. 