Madness

Interviewer: How are you feeling?

Interviewee: Well.

Interviewer: The psychiatrist decided that this was the situation for you. Did he tell you why?

Interviewee: No, the psychiatrist did not.

Interviewer: Has anybody told you why?

Interviewee: No.

Interviewer: Have you any idea what?

Interviewee: Yes, I am not completely like other people.

Interviewer: What do you mean by that?

Interviewee: People dislike me because I am not completely like them.

Interviewer: And in what way are you different?

Interviewee: I am trying to do something with my life which few people try to do. This influences my thinking and consequently my actions.

Interviewer: What is it you"re trying to do with your life?

Interviewee: Play the computer for people.

Interviewer: How is it that playing the computer for people has eventually resulted in your being here in the hospital?

Interviewee: I sit differently when I play the computer, and when I"m away from the computer, I occasionally look differently from other people. And this has caused dislike from people.

Interviewer: They dislike you because you sit differently at the computer?

Interviewee: Yes.

Interviewer: In what way do you sit at the computer that people would dislike you?

Interviewee: I cannot describe it, an illustration of how I sit. And I can"t imagine it would make people angry at me or at least dislike me.

Interviewer: How do you know they dislike you?

Interviewee: My father does, and doctors do because of the way I appear in relationship to the way I sit at the computer and occasionally stand when I am away from the computer because of the way I sit at the computer.

Interviewer: How do you stand when you"re away from the computer that they dislike you?

Interviewee: I can"t describe an illustration.

Interviewer: Does it feel to you any different from the way other people stand?

Interviewee: Yes, it feels different.

Interviewer: In what way?

Interviewee: If this is becoming too involved to describe...

Interviewer: Would I be right in assuming then that you don"t feel that you belong in the hospital, but that other people did feel that?

Interviewee: As soon as I express the belief that I do not belong in this hospital, which is a mental hospital, then those who dislike me want to find a worse place for me.

Interviewer: I"m not sure I understand. Could you make that clearer for me?

Interviewee: No.

Interviewer: Is this a way of...?

Interviewee: Yes, I can. As soon as I express the belief that I do not belong in this mental hospital, then those who dislike me want to find a hospital where the living conditions are not as good as this.

Interviewer: But why are you in the hospital in the first place? I"m not clear.

Interviewee: Because I"m working to do something in my life which most people do not do. This influences my thinking and occasionally my actions. And a psychiatrist has noticed this.

Interviewer: What has he noticed?

Interviewee: The actions and the thinking, and has decided that I should be here to change them.

Interviewer: What actions?

Interviewee: How I talk and how I look right at this moment.

Interviewer: And how would you describe the way you"re talking and looking right at this moment?

Interviewee: As other people talk and at this moment, however, I"ve been told that it is not the way other people talk and look.

Interviewer: Have you any idea in what way it"s not like others?

Interviewee: No, because I believe it is as other people talk.

Interviewer: So then, from your point of view, not from other people"s point of view, you look, you talk, you think, you behave as other people do?

Interviewee: You"re very interested in learning to play the computer. You sit at the computer a little differently from the way someone else might, and you stand somewhat differently occasionally.

Interviewee: I stand differently.

Interviewer: Now, that in itself doesn"t seem, on the surface, to be sufficient reason for being in a hospital. So what other reasons have been given to you or what other reasons do you understand are the causes of your being here?

Interviewee: I"m supposed to not be mentally well.

Interviewer: And what"s supposed to be wrong with you?

Interviewee: No doctor has told me.

Interviewer: What are your plans if things should go well and you were to leave the hospital? Then what?

Interviewee: I need financial help from my father to prepare me for obtaining a job as a computer instructor at a university where I will be able to teach people how to play the computer and also play the computer for people.

Interviewer: Have you had the training yet to permit you to be an instructor?

Interviewee: No, I have not.

Interviewer: Have you tried?

Interviewee: I don"t understand what you mean. Have you tried to get the instruction?

Interviewee: Yes, I have tried.

Interviewer: What"s happened?

Interviewee: I have not had the correct environment for the instruction, nor the correct financial help for the instruction, nor the correct instruction.

Interviewer: Have you been accepted for such instruction by some teachers?

Interviewee: Yes, and by others, no.

Interviewer: Have you started any such instruction with those who did approve of it?

Interviewee: Yes, with some, it has gone well, and with some, it has not gone well.