Bodies By David Lawrence

Title: Bodies # 31. Sonya

1. Who are you?

"I"m just a brown girl trying to heal generational traumas. TBH, I"m doing a damn good job. Sexism and oppression weigh so, so heavily on the women in my life. As Brown women were plagued with who everyone else want us to be and what they want us to do."

2. What has your relationship with your body been like over the years?

"I was taught my body was shameful. Not in the way we"re used to hearing in a western way; not about stretch marks, or bellies. But that simply existing in a female body was a wildly shameful thing. I grew up embarrassed by the fullness of my breasts and hips and tummy. I remember feeling like I wished I was flat and boring like cardboard, as recently as this year. I hid all things soft and feminine and beautiful about myself, because somehow, as an 8-year-old brown girl, I learned that the male gaze is our burden, fault, and our responsibility to avert. That it is our fault we were gifted with beauty and light.

As I spent the last 2 years unlearning this, I"ve found myself grieving the loss of the softness and femininity I never felt, and with that, parts of myself, I"ve never met. But today, I"m sitting in growing that softness, femininity, sensuality, and the incredible strength that comes with it when it"s nurtured."

3. What are you most grateful for about your body? What has made it strong? What do you love most about yourself?

"My body has carried me through everything. Joy, sorrow, love, and heartache. She remembers each of those feelings and carries physical bits of them in different spaces. But my body also knows the strength of the women who came before me, their resilience, and their ferocity, and I"m so grateful I get to know both. 

Unlearning has made her strong. And so has a lot of Crossfit and yoga <3. The more I unlearn, the stronger I get in the gym. And the more empowered I feel to use my body to bring me joy and not for what others want or think. It feels so good to see her do something new every day as she gets stronger. This week, I hit a new one rep max on my deadlift and back squat!

I think what I"m learning to love most about myself is my ability to have hard conversations with myself and my ability to heal both my spirit and body. They"re one, really, and as I unlock more abilities with my physical body, whether with aerial yoga, or lifting, I can dig deeper within myself to heal hurt that"s crossed generations."

4. When you look at the photos of yourself, what do you see?

"For the first time, I got to meet all of me. So incredibly powerful and strong in her softness, femininity, and the resulting hint of sensuality. I got to define my body, not anyone else. I can"t wait to see her blossom."


Artist: David Lawrence

Edition: 1/1