oshi

Time is the greatest currency.

A lot of things lead us to believe that we dont have much of it, but that couldnt be further from the truth. We constantly see ourselves running out of time, losing it, instead of the beauty and experience that time gives us.

Its true that you can never get time back, but what you spend that time on might just be infinitely more valuable.

For as long as I can remember I have always felt the clock ticking, never stopping, impartial to everyone. That filled me with fear. I tried for so long to get those seconds, minutes, hours and days back, wasting even more time in the process. It never worked.

I realise now that holding onto what has been lost will only offer you the same fate. Being lost in times gone by will have you learning the same lesson over and over again.

So now I decide to move forward, regardless of how much time has been lost, because theres much more time left. How you choose to spend your time is your decision and yours alone just remember that you have more than enough of it.

We all have ample time to love, lose, learn and live through.

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These are the words I want to say when I float away and leave my body behind. 

Time dissipates when I am dancing. My movement encapsulates the interconnectedness of memory, instinct, emotion, and truth. But when the sweat dries and the clocks start up again, my identity can become distorted and blurred. Regret, guilt, fear, and loss flood my mind, ripping me away from the love that colors my life.

This is disassociating for me; I am no longer in control of my body, words, or feelings and I am a shell with empty eyes. My mind hovers and every conversation is empty. My loved ones feel abandoned while we are sitting right across from one another. I wrote these lyrics while fighting a dissociative episode and I managed to come back to myself through making my experience tangible and real with words and sound.

This song is a reclamation of myself. When Im ready to become real again, patient love is always there to welcome me back home.

black eyes (with Mara Anne) #1

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